Only in this context………….

Another day, another physio session and another attempt to move my arm. Today I am laying down on my back and the physio is lifting my arm at 90 degrees to my body. This looks like a horizontal nazi salute and the fact that I can think about that is a good thing as my attempts to complete this task ends in miserable failure. To distract me the physios help me stand up and this is more positive and I manage to stand and practice locking my knee, something that is preventing me standing unaided. Whilst this progresses I am acutely aware that I have no real mobility. The work I do with the staff now will determine my life for the foreseeable future. Whether I return to a vaguely normal life is being decided now and have to maintain my focus.

Somehow and I don’t know how, I manage to lock my knee and hurrah I’m standing properly. I actually shout with delight and those that know me will tell you that I have a big mouth. So it happens that a couple of nurses misinterpreting my screams rush in to find out what all the noise is about. Having achieved that feat we try the arm movement again and bouyed by my ability to stand up,  try even harder and now laying down I can do a nazi salute.

Only in this context would I be happy doing that and to be honest it lasted  3 seconds. 3 of the most joyous seconds of my life. An indication that I may be able to at least start  to move my arm, A small, hard won victory after my devastating illness.

This day will be seared into my mind and I have promised myself I will remember my first real victory on my passage back to normal life.